Feeling nostalgic

It started with a very brief Twitter conversation with my friend Michael. I had tweeted (twatted if you are my grandfather) that I was on a huge Harry Potter kick and wanted to reread the series (I had started this past semester, but I ended up getting busy with school work and being an RA and whatnot); I am determined to finish the series by the end of summer or at the very latest before the first part of the 7th movie comes out.

Michael replied to that Tweet and said an old friend reminded him of another series from his youth that he needed to reread. That got me thinking about my favorite books of my childhood. Thiefirst books that I became obsessed with was The Baby-Sitter's Club series. Every time a new one came out, I had to get it right away. My grandpa and I went to Barnes and Nobel at least once a week and that's where my obsession started. Part of the reason I loved it so much was because I had just started baby-sitting my little cousins. My friend Amber and I even wanted to start our own baby-sitter's club. It never did turn out though, sadly.

I loved the books because I could relate to almost every character. Kristy was the tom-boy leader of the group. She came up with the idea of the club. She was a young businesswoman. Claudia was the fun, artsy person of the group. I usually liked the books that centered around her the most. She was just fun. Mary-Ann was the shy, sweet one. She also dated Logan (whom I was in LOVE with in the movie adaptation of the series).  Stacey was a New Yorker and diabetic. I don't know why that was important to write, but I do remember that about her. She left Stoney Brooke to go back to New York after her father gets transferred back there, but moves back to Stoney Brooke after her parents divorce. Dawn was the California girl. She was portrayed as a health nut and environmentalist. I believe that she was vegetarian as well, but I could be wrong. Mallory came from the huge ass family and, at 11-years-old, was one of the younger members of the group. I think she also got mono at one point. Jessi moved from Jersey to Stoney Brooke. I think she also really liked ballet. Logan was Mary-Ann's boyfriend and that's all I really remember about him. Those are all the main characters, I think.

I actually was in Border's the other day (shocker!) and saw that they have reprinted the books. I saw the very first one on the shelf of books recommended by the staff. I was pumped when I saw it. I miss those books a lot. They got me through grade school and middle school. This may sound dumb, but I felt like I was part of the club when I read those books. Middle school especially sucked for me, so reading those books was an amazing escape. I needed extra cash so I sold a lot of the books, which I now regret horribly. However, they are reprinting the books and I think I may need to purchase them. I did save my favorite ones, but now I wish I would have them in case I have a daughter someday so she could read them. I hope with the reprint that a whole new generation will enjoy them as much as I did.

Jake and Vienna; The Bachelorette...

So I feel that as my guiltiest pleasure, I should comment on the recent events in the world of The Bachelor and Bachelorette. It's been a busy week for the show and I just feel like I need to throw in my 2 cents, not that it's the important or different from what anyone else is saying. Plus, I haven't written in a long time and I really want to write a new blog.

I'll start with the whole Jake and Vienna break up. I have thought about this far more than is healthy and I really don't know who or what I believe. Vienna was classy and sold her story to the oh so reputable Star "magazine". Her claim is that they haven't had sex for several months and the only time Jake ever kissed her was in front of the cameras. She said she broke up with him and she never felt good enough for him. She was caught with some random actor from a show on ABC Family and the tabloids went crazy with stories of her cheating on Jake. I honestly think the relationship was over long ago. Maybe not officially, but emotionally it sure seems like it. She definitely played the victim in her side of the story.

Jake on the other hand went to People to tell his side of the story. In a nutshell, Jake felt as though Vienna wasn't supportive enough of his entertainment career. He claims she was jealous that he was getting all these opportunities (Dancing with the Stars and Drop Dead Diva) and she wasn't. Makes sense. Why else would Vienna be able to perform on the finale of Dancing? I thought it was a little strange when I heard that. I thought it was just another cheesy ploy for them to get attention (especially since they danced to On the Wings of Love, gag me). In true Jake fashion, he claims what he and Vienna had was real and he doesn't regret their time together, just the way it ended.

See what I mean by the he said-she said? They also both claim to have broken off the relationship. Here's what I am sure about. They were both in this to find fame. I do think that Jake really does want to find love and I believe almost all of those cheesy things they say. Looking back at videos and stuff of them together (see what I mean by thinking about this way too much?), their relationship did seem fake and forced, which leads me to think that Vienna wasn't being completely dishonest about the bedroom issues. I still don't know what I think. I thought maybe typing it out would help, but it doesn't. Not even a little.

On to tonight's episode. It might be one of my favorite in the history of the show. It started off with the host, Chris Harrison, knocking on Ali's door in Turkey (this season was dubbed, "Around the World", must be rough). He tells Ali that he has some unfortunate news for her and phones, Jessie, a contestant with Ali on Jake's season. Jessie says that she is sitting there with a girl named Jessica who is the girlfriend of one of the bachelors, Justin "Rated-R". Jessica and Ali talk and Jessica tells Ali that the only reason that Justin was on the show was for his wrestling career. Jessica seems to feel horrible and Ali is pissed. Now how Jessie and Jessica know each other is beyond me. Maybe because they are both from Toronto? I have no clue, all I know is that Justin is in for a slap in the face. Ali and Chris go to the boys' room where Ali plans on confronting Justin...in front of the other guys. Awesome. He deserves it. Ali starts off by saying something along the lines of, "I know that this journey has been difficult for everyone. And especially for you Justin, you must really miss your girlfriend". Hilarious. I almost peed myself.

Needless to say, Justin is pissed that he got caught. He hobbles off (he broke his foot the day before he left for the show and was still in a walking boot). Ali runs after him yelling at him and telling him she wants to talk to him, but Justin won't give in. The cameras show Justin hobbling all around the hotel and outside. It was quite the site to behold. Eventually he sits down and talks with Ali. He claims that Jessica is his best friend and he doesn't know where she is getting this info. Ali isn't buying it and Justin leaves. Justin got what he wanted, his name out there. Now he isn't known as the guy who got the final rose, but as the douche bag with a broken foot who had a girlfriend. I guess there's no such thing as bad publicity, right? Wrong.

The preview for the rest of the season proves that more emotions will fly before the season is over. Ali goes to visit Frank and he tells Ali that they need to talk. He seems distraught over whatever he has to tell her. I have heard that he wants to go back to his ex back home, but I am not convinced. I have another theory. Producers casted Frank knowing that he was gay. He comes out to Ali in one of the final episodes, which gives way to Frank being the first gay bachelor. It's bound to happen and this story makes things interesting for sure. Though, I am not entirely sure I could be convinced to watch. It's not that I have anything against gay people, it's just that Frank drives me insane that I couldn't watch him that much. He's actually the only one left that I don't like.

I need a life...

I Fail at Sleeping

So it's 5:00 AM. Yes, 5 in the morning. And I can't sleep. I am dead tired, so I don't know what the issue is. Also, any spelling or grammar mistakes in the blog are being blamed on this fact. I thought what better thing to do when I can't sleep than write about what is going on in my fairly boring life.

Well, first and foremost, I got into Hamline. I am super stoked about it! It feels good to get a fresh start in life and I am excited to be doing something that will actually mean something to me. I plan on majoring in social justice and minoring in conflict studies, though I can create my own minor, so I think I am going to talk to my advisor about how to go about doing that once I get everything straightened out. After I finish there I may still go to graduate school for student affairs, but I am going to see where the wind takes me. I am not sure if I have it in me to apply to grad schools again. At least not anytime soon. This degree should take me no more than 2 years if I want a light load. Like I said, I am super pumped and whoever reads this will probably know before my family because I just got the letter today. HAHA!

I had to miss my cousin's fiancee's bridal shower which I was super bummed about. I was so looking forward to it, but I couldn't get anyone to work for me today. I will probably have to miss my cousin's grad party too because of work. I like having a job, but I don't like that I can't do anything on the weekends. I know it's our busy time of the week, but still. I am going to keep the job for the time being, but I am definitely keeping my eyes open for other opportunities. I really want to work in a bookstore! How awesome would that be?!?!

Yeah, I think that's all I've got for now. I might actually try to go to sleep now. I think my mom and step-dad are up, so that's funny.

I am thankful for...

I feel like the last couple posts haven't been the most uplifting things in the world. I realize I complain a lot. I am getting better at actually doing something about the things I complain about; and truth be told, compared to what most people in the world are dealing with, I don't have that much to complain about. I really feel like I am a grateful, positive person. Sometimes, that slips my mind though and I forget. Once I have time to mull things over, I remember what I have isn't so bad. That being said, I am dedicating this blog entry to things I am thankful for.

1) My Friends: They are the the best, most wonderful group of people. I have been blessed to surround myself with a pretty unique bunch of people. I have made so many friends throughout the years. Some have lasted a long time, some not so long, but I have learned something about myself in every single friendship. They have all brought out something in me that I didn't realize was there.

2) My Family: As much as they drive me crazy, I do love them; granted I may not always like them, but I will always love them.

3) My Faith: I haven't always been the most religious person in the world. I believe in God, I know that for sure and I do sometimes get a lot out of going to church, but I feel as though I am forced to go to church and I don't like that. I may not be practicing in the sense that I don't always go to church, but I don't think God cares to be honest. I believe that God does have a plan for us and that everything that happens to us, happens for a reason; I also believe that everything will work out in the end. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe that God talks to us in His own way and you just need to open your eyes to see it. It's just something that gives me peace.

4) My Education: I am extremely blessed to be able to have gotten the chance to go to college, especially since no one in my family had before me. I learned a lot in the classroom, but I learned way more outside of it. I learned about myself, I learned that I have to make decisions that are right for me regardless of what other people think, and I learned that I am a way stronger person that I ever had imagined I could be.

5) TV Shows: It's pathetic, borderline insane how much of my life revolves around TV shows. The Bachelorette and Glee topping the list. I get way too excited about these shows. Probably way more than is normal.

6) Books: I love reading. I have a ton of books that I want to read this summer. I usually read fiction, but in an effort to learn more about things that interest me, I have picked up quite a few non-fiction books. The one I am currently reading is Lies my Teacher Told Me. It's about how American textbooks sugar coat history so as not to make America look bad. It's really interesting and I like it a lot.

7) Music: Pretty self explanatory

8) The Internet: Pretty much how I spend all my time that is not used up by friends or work. I love finding new websites and random stories, pictures, whatever.

Blah...

So for the last few days I have just been in an irritated mood. I can't seem to shake it. Michael and I are going to go to hang out Friday so hopefully getting out of the house and throwing back a couple and just being away will help.

So like I said in my last post, my mom and step-dad went to spend the night, well, a couple nights at the casino. I decided that I would be nice and clean the house since no one else that lives here does. When they got home, all the dishes were done, I dusted, vacuumed, swept the kitchen, mopped the kitchen and the bathroom, did laundry, cleaned the bathroom (Lord knows the last time that was done). I didn't expect a whole lot when they got home, but they didn't even acknowledge it. And, of course, when the walked in the house, they didn't say a word to me. Of course, because I didn't clean the bathtub, they said something about that. Ugh. It's frustrating. Seriously, my sister does nothing to help out around the house. I have done the dishes more times since I have been home than she probably has in the last 3 years. Yet, all anyone does in this house is bitch. Which is ironic that I am bitching about them bitching. I don't really care.

If my step-dad is upset at me, he never comes directly to me to say anything. It always goes through my mom, who I don't take seriously at all. I don't think I would take my step-dad seriously though if started saying something to me now though. I don't feel like they care or anything. I don't share anything with them because they either 1)don't care or 2) will tell everyone. I am a fairly guarded person and if I want to tell someone something, I will. I dunno, I'm just not happy at home.

Update 2.0

Okay, so I said I would update on the home situation. And because I have nothing better to do, I figured I would.

So being home, for me, sucks. I have been essentially on my own for the last 4 years. I haven't had to share a living space with people for the last 2 years (my first year as an RA, I lived in the suite-style building and had 3 roommates. There's a funny story.) and all of a sudden I have to live with 3 people. 3 people that drive me absolutely insane.

This biggest argument we get in is over the thermostat. Well, an air conditioner. I am a person that hates the heat and humidity. When I got home from school, the first thing I noticed was that they took the air conditioner out. Ugh. Luckily there have only been a couple gross days and for 2 of them I was at a friend's house, but still. It's honestly probably not going to get in until at least July. I tried to carry it upstairs myself so I can put it in, but it's way too heavy.

The thing that drives me most insane about being at home is that communication sucks. I can't even say that because between the 4 of us, there is very little dialogue. I very much feel like the adult in the house. I understand that my sister is 19-years-old, but when it's 2 AM and she's not home, I worry. She doesn't tell anyone that she isn't going to be home and my mom doesn't even seem to worry, which sort of upsets me. My mom has always been more concerned with being our friend than being our mom. Until my step-dad moved in, that's exactly what she was. And now that she tries to be our mom, I can't take her seriously and I just kind of do what I want anyway. Okay, sorry for that rant. Back on the communication topic. There was one event that has occurred this summer that has been especially irritating to me.

Every once in awhile, my mom and step-dad get vouchers for a free night's stay at a casino. It's fine that they go, but they never tell us that they're going somewhere for the night. I don't even care where they are going, just that they say they won't be home so I don't worry all night. When they would go, I would sit and worry because I had no idea where they were. I would call my mom's cell phone at like 12:30 AM and no one would answer. Of course, I thought the worst. Every time they came home, I would ask them to just tell me if they are going away for the night so I know not to worry. Do they do that? Nope. One time I went 4 days without talking to them because I was so mad. They, of course, acted like nothing was wrong.

The other day, my mom said these exact words to me, "don't tell your sister, but Peter and I are going to stay overnight at the casino; she doesn't like when we go". I can tell you why. She doesn't like to stay home by herself, so if you just fricken told her, she could find somewhere to stay so she wouldn't be home alone. I don't understand the point in lying. Yesterday, my mom told me not to tell my step-dad that I knew where they were going. It BAFFLES me. I have NO idea why it's necessary to lie about it. You are adults, I don't care what you do. I have said it a thousand times, just tell me that you won't be home at night. I am going to tell my sister where they are. I don't really care. If they get mad, they get mad. I don't think that 1)it's necessary to lie and 2) it's okay to lie.

When someone comes home, it's never, "Hi. How are you?"; It's always, walk into the house, maybe make food and go to your room. No one talks in this house about anything. I hate living here. I feel as though I am ignored and not important. I feel like I am just living here because of convenience, which in all honesty is true. I probably will end up going to live with Kelly. I think I'll be much happier there. Her home feels like my home. I can't think of the last time we all ate together and it wasn't a holiday; in fact, I don't think we have ever sat around our table to eat as a family. Kelly's family doesn't eat at the table, but at least they are together most of the time. Right now, the place in which I reside is not my home, it's my house. It makes me sad that I don't feel loved and wanted in my own house. I hope that in the future when I get married and have kids that our house will be a home. I think I have learned enough from living here that I know I can't live like this forever.

Huh, I'm bad at this updating thing...

Okay, it's not really that I am bad at it, it's more that my life is either 1) extremely boring that no one would want to read what I have to say (not that many people care to begin with) or 2) so ridiculously busy that the last thing on my mind is updating no one about my life. In addition to that, I cheated on Blogger. I opened up another blog account on a different blogging website. Like with most things, I went back to what I love the most. So here I am with a lot to say and even more time on my hands.

I guess since my last entry (in September (yikes!)), a lot has happened. A whole academic year and 2 weeks of summer in fact.

I finished up my last year at UWRF. It was a bittersweet year. I was excited to end my schooling at River Falls, but for sure not ready to leave the people whom I have come to call my family. They have all impacted my life and sadly, I feel like I made more connections this year than I have in years past. And then I had to leave. It was a sad ending. Even sitting here now, I want to cry. Leaving high school was tough, but college is such a different experience. I spent pretty much all my time with these people; day, night, weekend...all of my time.

The very first friend I made at River Falls was Kelly. She's still one of my best friends today. We have too much in common and have too many random connections not to be friends. Her mom invited me to live with them this summer and I am seriously considering it. I can't stand being at home, but more on that later. She knows more about me than most people and I would be completely lost without her. She made my 4 years here what they were.

Of course, I made other friends too. Krissi, Taste, Smang. They all helped make my 4 years at RF amazing. The countless nights with random stories are something that I will cherish forever. They truly are some of my best friends and I love them to death. Even though I didn't get to see these guys a lot, I feel like it didn't affect our friendship. I knew that they were only a phone call away.

I also said good-bye to a job that I have loved for 3 years. A job that helped shape me as a person and helped be realize what it is that I want to do with my life. Being an RA was a lot what I imagine being a mom is like. It was the most challenging and most rewarding job I could ever imagine (aside maybe from a parent). It was a 24/7 job and sometimes, that frustrated me. There were a lot of things I couldn't do with friends because of my job, but having an effect on my residents and helping their year totally made up for it. This year especially. I had all first-years. It was by far my most difficult year, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love them to death and I know they are going to do amazing things in life.

This year's staff was also amazing. It definitely had its ups and downs, and there were times that I was ready to quit. My staff brought me through that though. To be honest, I was worried about some of the people on staff; I wasn't sure that we would connect. I am glad I was wrong. I found a connection with every staff member. True, some more than others, but I think that you will get that no matter what you do. My staff made me feel appreciated, loved, and supported. I only hope that I impacted them half as much as they impacted me.

This last year was my worst academically. I stopped caring second semester. I didn't like my major and I wasn't trying. I was frustrated too, because my goal of getting into grad school wasn't panning out. I did interview in Mississippi, however I didn't get in. I was pretty upset, but as with everything else, I believe that things happen for a reason.

As it turns out, I came up with a backup plan that I am pretty stoked about. This past semester, I took my favorite class I have ever taken at River Falls: The Psychology of Prejudice and Racism. It was mostly a discussion class and we had to read a couple articles and submit questions on an online forum before each class. The readings were interesting and I learned a lot from them. The professor was challenging, but I like that. I think it helped my critical thinking skills and has made me look at issues a lot closer. I look up to my professor from that class a lot. It's because of this class that I decided to look into getting a second bachelor's degree. One school near my house has a critical issues in race and ethnicity major and another has a social justice major. I applied to both of those schools and am hoping to hear back soon. I think it's going to be good for me and it's going to be something that I enjoy.

So, that's all I am updating for now. Maybe I will write later about home life and how swimmingly that's (not) going. I know I said earlier in the post that I would talk about it, but I am tired of typing and the Stanley Cup Finals are on.

Peace.