Update 2.0

Okay, so I said I would update on the home situation. And because I have nothing better to do, I figured I would.

So being home, for me, sucks. I have been essentially on my own for the last 4 years. I haven't had to share a living space with people for the last 2 years (my first year as an RA, I lived in the suite-style building and had 3 roommates. There's a funny story.) and all of a sudden I have to live with 3 people. 3 people that drive me absolutely insane.

This biggest argument we get in is over the thermostat. Well, an air conditioner. I am a person that hates the heat and humidity. When I got home from school, the first thing I noticed was that they took the air conditioner out. Ugh. Luckily there have only been a couple gross days and for 2 of them I was at a friend's house, but still. It's honestly probably not going to get in until at least July. I tried to carry it upstairs myself so I can put it in, but it's way too heavy.

The thing that drives me most insane about being at home is that communication sucks. I can't even say that because between the 4 of us, there is very little dialogue. I very much feel like the adult in the house. I understand that my sister is 19-years-old, but when it's 2 AM and she's not home, I worry. She doesn't tell anyone that she isn't going to be home and my mom doesn't even seem to worry, which sort of upsets me. My mom has always been more concerned with being our friend than being our mom. Until my step-dad moved in, that's exactly what she was. And now that she tries to be our mom, I can't take her seriously and I just kind of do what I want anyway. Okay, sorry for that rant. Back on the communication topic. There was one event that has occurred this summer that has been especially irritating to me.

Every once in awhile, my mom and step-dad get vouchers for a free night's stay at a casino. It's fine that they go, but they never tell us that they're going somewhere for the night. I don't even care where they are going, just that they say they won't be home so I don't worry all night. When they would go, I would sit and worry because I had no idea where they were. I would call my mom's cell phone at like 12:30 AM and no one would answer. Of course, I thought the worst. Every time they came home, I would ask them to just tell me if they are going away for the night so I know not to worry. Do they do that? Nope. One time I went 4 days without talking to them because I was so mad. They, of course, acted like nothing was wrong.

The other day, my mom said these exact words to me, "don't tell your sister, but Peter and I are going to stay overnight at the casino; she doesn't like when we go". I can tell you why. She doesn't like to stay home by herself, so if you just fricken told her, she could find somewhere to stay so she wouldn't be home alone. I don't understand the point in lying. Yesterday, my mom told me not to tell my step-dad that I knew where they were going. It BAFFLES me. I have NO idea why it's necessary to lie about it. You are adults, I don't care what you do. I have said it a thousand times, just tell me that you won't be home at night. I am going to tell my sister where they are. I don't really care. If they get mad, they get mad. I don't think that 1)it's necessary to lie and 2) it's okay to lie.

When someone comes home, it's never, "Hi. How are you?"; It's always, walk into the house, maybe make food and go to your room. No one talks in this house about anything. I hate living here. I feel as though I am ignored and not important. I feel like I am just living here because of convenience, which in all honesty is true. I probably will end up going to live with Kelly. I think I'll be much happier there. Her home feels like my home. I can't think of the last time we all ate together and it wasn't a holiday; in fact, I don't think we have ever sat around our table to eat as a family. Kelly's family doesn't eat at the table, but at least they are together most of the time. Right now, the place in which I reside is not my home, it's my house. It makes me sad that I don't feel loved and wanted in my own house. I hope that in the future when I get married and have kids that our house will be a home. I think I have learned enough from living here that I know I can't live like this forever.

Huh, I'm bad at this updating thing...

Okay, it's not really that I am bad at it, it's more that my life is either 1) extremely boring that no one would want to read what I have to say (not that many people care to begin with) or 2) so ridiculously busy that the last thing on my mind is updating no one about my life. In addition to that, I cheated on Blogger. I opened up another blog account on a different blogging website. Like with most things, I went back to what I love the most. So here I am with a lot to say and even more time on my hands.

I guess since my last entry (in September (yikes!)), a lot has happened. A whole academic year and 2 weeks of summer in fact.

I finished up my last year at UWRF. It was a bittersweet year. I was excited to end my schooling at River Falls, but for sure not ready to leave the people whom I have come to call my family. They have all impacted my life and sadly, I feel like I made more connections this year than I have in years past. And then I had to leave. It was a sad ending. Even sitting here now, I want to cry. Leaving high school was tough, but college is such a different experience. I spent pretty much all my time with these people; day, night, weekend...all of my time.

The very first friend I made at River Falls was Kelly. She's still one of my best friends today. We have too much in common and have too many random connections not to be friends. Her mom invited me to live with them this summer and I am seriously considering it. I can't stand being at home, but more on that later. She knows more about me than most people and I would be completely lost without her. She made my 4 years here what they were.

Of course, I made other friends too. Krissi, Taste, Smang. They all helped make my 4 years at RF amazing. The countless nights with random stories are something that I will cherish forever. They truly are some of my best friends and I love them to death. Even though I didn't get to see these guys a lot, I feel like it didn't affect our friendship. I knew that they were only a phone call away.

I also said good-bye to a job that I have loved for 3 years. A job that helped shape me as a person and helped be realize what it is that I want to do with my life. Being an RA was a lot what I imagine being a mom is like. It was the most challenging and most rewarding job I could ever imagine (aside maybe from a parent). It was a 24/7 job and sometimes, that frustrated me. There were a lot of things I couldn't do with friends because of my job, but having an effect on my residents and helping their year totally made up for it. This year especially. I had all first-years. It was by far my most difficult year, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love them to death and I know they are going to do amazing things in life.

This year's staff was also amazing. It definitely had its ups and downs, and there were times that I was ready to quit. My staff brought me through that though. To be honest, I was worried about some of the people on staff; I wasn't sure that we would connect. I am glad I was wrong. I found a connection with every staff member. True, some more than others, but I think that you will get that no matter what you do. My staff made me feel appreciated, loved, and supported. I only hope that I impacted them half as much as they impacted me.

This last year was my worst academically. I stopped caring second semester. I didn't like my major and I wasn't trying. I was frustrated too, because my goal of getting into grad school wasn't panning out. I did interview in Mississippi, however I didn't get in. I was pretty upset, but as with everything else, I believe that things happen for a reason.

As it turns out, I came up with a backup plan that I am pretty stoked about. This past semester, I took my favorite class I have ever taken at River Falls: The Psychology of Prejudice and Racism. It was mostly a discussion class and we had to read a couple articles and submit questions on an online forum before each class. The readings were interesting and I learned a lot from them. The professor was challenging, but I like that. I think it helped my critical thinking skills and has made me look at issues a lot closer. I look up to my professor from that class a lot. It's because of this class that I decided to look into getting a second bachelor's degree. One school near my house has a critical issues in race and ethnicity major and another has a social justice major. I applied to both of those schools and am hoping to hear back soon. I think it's going to be good for me and it's going to be something that I enjoy.

So, that's all I am updating for now. Maybe I will write later about home life and how swimmingly that's (not) going. I know I said earlier in the post that I would talk about it, but I am tired of typing and the Stanley Cup Finals are on.

Peace.