Oh what a year!

What kind of blogger would I be if I didn't reminisce about the last year and talk about how excited I am for the future?

This year brought about a lot of changes. The biggest was by far moving out. It's still strange not seeing my family every day, and I suppose I can admit that I miss them (sometimes). However, I LOVE my apartment and I love my roommate. We are having a lot of fun. We were just talking about how nice it is to have someone to come home to and talk about the day with. Sometimes it's bitching, sometimes it's funny stories, sometimes it's just shooting the breeze. I don't know how I would do living by myself, even though I always thought I would prefer it. But I like having a roommate. Seriously, the only thing that would make this place better is if we could have a cat. Oh, and we still need more furniture. haha!

Work also brought about a lot of changes. I became more serious about actually investing a future with the company. I am on my way to my 4th position switch in the last year. I went from a permanent part time to the full time kid's specialist, to a holiday manager, and come Sunday, I will be the full time men's Levi's specialist. I am excited about where the future will take me. It will take a little bit, but I am willing to be patient. I have learned a lot about the company and thought a lot about where I want to go. I had a talk with my new manager about it the other day. I started the day out super crabby, but I could not do anything but smile after it. He talked about how much confidence the leadership team has in me and how they can see me going far with the company. It's exciting and rewarding. I know that I can help lead the young men's team to success. I am going to be more than just the Levi's specialist. I get to head the young men's team. It's a new initiative that my new manager began a few months ago. It didn't really pan out with the last team he had, so we are starting fresh. I get to act as basically an assistant manager. I know this will help take me places.

Hi strangers!

So I don't think anyone reads this, so it eases my mind that no one is losing sleep over the severe lack of posts in this blog. Really, I haven't had time. When I haven't been working, I've been loving the down time. I've hung out with friends, relaxed in the apartment, cleaned the apartment, and all that fun stuff.

Since I've started my new position, I feel like I've been working more. I have been working pretty much the same amount of hours, but I am doing so many different things, that I just get exhausted at the end of the night. I love it though. I am having a blast going into work not knowing what the day is going to bring. I get to be a voice on the floor and when someone says they want to talk to a manager, I get to respond. It's awesome.

Last Friday was Black Friday, which I am sure you knew. It was insane and my first real taste of the craziness. Last year, I missed it all because I didn't start until later in the afternoon. This year, I started at 11:30. We opened at midnight. I was there to witness all the fun. It was a 10 hour work day and it went by pretty fast, aside from the last two hours or so. We did some shopping afterwards. It was fun. I crashed when I got home though.

So that's pretty much all that's been going on. I have no idea where this new gig will take me, but I am excited to find out.

Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it

Holy crap, it's November (almost). I can't believe how FAST time has gone by. It seems like only yesterday, we were moving into our apartment.

The apartment has been awesome. We've gotten along just swell for anyone that's wondering. For some reason when people find out that I've moved in with a friend, they get concerned and think that we won't be friends after awhile. Psh, we're fine. We balance each other very nicely and we both have separate lives. We do our own thing, but we get along just fine when we're with each other.

My new position at work started earlier than expected. Not that I am complaining. That raise is much needed. I still haven't had training for it, so I am not 100% sure what I am doing, but I have a great support staff, so if I have any questions, I just ask them. The one day I was supposed to do training, the computer wasn't working. Figures. It isn't much different than how the last few days have gone.

Let's start with Saturday.

Saturday none of the registers in my area were working. Seriously? Three registers down. On a weekend. Was that really necessary? Of course it was. They didn't work Sunday either. On Sunday people just seemed extra crabby for whatever reason. Customers and associates. I was certainly cranky, but I did my best to keep a smile on my face. I also found out that right after close, the lights AND emergency lights went out. I swear there were evil spirits in the store or something.

Today was better. I did a LOT of recovery. We have a visit tomorrow and Thursday, so we have to make the story look amazing. They moved a lot of stuff around in kids'. It looks weird. I don't work there anymore, so I guess I shouldn't really care, but that department will always hold a special place in my heart. Ha.

I am excited to see where this takes you!

I had a nice chat with  my manager today about my new position as holiday manager. She started as a specialist, was holiday manager, became a sales supervisor and eventually moved to where she is today.

While we were talking, she mentioned that she as very excited to see where these opportunities take me. I am too. Though, I am scared. Who isn't scared of the unknown. There is a possibility that I may move stores. That makes me really sad. I love my store. I love the people there and I feel like I have a GREAT support system. I know I will have a support system no matter which store I end up in, but still. My store has a special place in my heart.

I never imagined a year and a half ago that I would be where I am today. Hell, I never thought I would still be with the company. I love it though and I don't know that I would be as happy anywhere else.

I am excited to see where this adventure takes me. It's going to be a fun one, I am sure.

Updates Galore!

There has been a lot happening lately, which explains the severe lack of updates.

First up, I got an apartment. Yep. An apartment. My own place. Well, I have a roommate (who says, "hi"), but I am not living with my parents. I am paying bills. I am an adult. Holy shit, it's awesome. I love our place. I am assuming that if you are reading this, you know me and your are probably friends with me on Facebook, so you can check out the pictures under "Hanz and Franz move in together".

In other news, I got holiday manager! It starts on the 13th of November and I am SUPER pumped. I can't wait. It's going to be awesome and stressful and busy, but I know I will love it. It will bring new challenges and new experiences.

I wanted to write a lot more about what's been going on, but I am exhausted. Good night!

Isn't it strange, how we all feel a little bit weird sometimes

Holy long blog title, Batman! It has a purpose though, I promise.

Now, whoever reads this knows of my love for the band Hanson. I've been in love with them since 1997-14 years. I can't believe it's been that long and whenever I say it, I feel old.

Last night I saw them for the 4th time in 5 years. They are on their Musical Ride tour. Before the concert, fans can go online and vote for which album they want to hear at the concert. I was pleased to find out that last night it was going to be their first album, Middle of Nowhere. I love that album. Well, I love all their albums, but this is the one that made me fall in love with them. Last night, hearing all those old songs, I felt like I was 11 years old again. It was awesome. I also got to hear "Man From Milwaukee" live for the first time which is something that I've always wanted.

Now, when I was younger, I got a lot of flack for liking Hanson (even more than I get now). People couldn't understand why I liked 3 guys who looked like girls. I didn't care. I didn't think they looked or sounded like girls. I thought- and I still do think- that they are adorable. The three most adorable people that I've ever seen in my entire life.

As they were singing, I remembered why I fell in love with them in the first place. Sure, I loved MMMBop. The music was catchy and if you actually listen to the lyrics (instead of just moaning about how they suck), you would hear something that actually means something.

It was their song "Weird" that really got me to stick with them though. Right around the time that they came around was the beginning of a very rough patch in my life. My family started to break up and I was losing friends and I was different because I liked Hanson and every once else hated them. Listening to the song  "Weird" made me feel not so weird; not so alone. When other bands were singing about love and stuff like that, Hanson was singing about something every single teenager feels. That's why I've stuck with them. Every time I mad, sad, or whatever, I listened to Hanson.

14 years later, I still do the same thing. They make me happy. Everything about them makes me smile.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, I give you "Weird".

A sneak peek!

So my mom, step-dad, step-brother, and his friend, Eric moved some of my stuff into the apartment today. It was just easier since we had the moving van. My dad is helping me move stuff tomorrow, but he has a bad back, so I wanted to have him move as little heavy stuff as possible. So here is a little sneak peek at our apartment. I'll take more tomorrow and upload another blog when I am at my dad's.

On a hilarious note, I have to sleep on the floor tonight. I wanted to have a slumber party in my sister's room since she has her mattress in there, but she said no. Ha!

Our moving van loaded up with some of my stuff

Our couch and book shelf. We'll have lamps and end tables too :)

Grown up things!

As I sit here typing this, I should be packing/cleaning. I've been doing that for the last hour or so, so I think I deserve a break.

Why am I cleaning/packing? Well, my family is moving. I can't remember how much I have said in this blog, but that's really all you need to know. I won't go into details about why and such, but yeah. We're moving.

I'm moving on my own. Well, not really. A friend from high school and I are rooming together which I think we will be a helluva good time. I can't express how glad I am to move in. I need to get out of this house. The last month or so has been stressful. Moving sucks and it's making my step-dad crabbier than usual. I am actually not liking him all that much right now. Add to the fact that my mom treats me like a teenager and well, move out day cannot come soon enough.

That's all I got for now. I need to get back to packing/cleaning. It's not fun people.

The State of Hockey

Normally when I refer to the State of Hockey, I am talking about none other than the great state of Minnesota. Right now, it's not a literal state; it's a state of being. The last few months, the hockey world has been in a state of sadness and shock.


It started with the sudden death of Derek Boogaard in May. The eventual cause of death was accidental due to a combination of pills and alcohol. I was completely shaken up by this. I didn't know Boogey personally, but I was a fan of his. When he went to the NY Rangers, I was upset. He wasn't an impact player in terms of scoring, but he made a difference on the team. He stood up for his teammates and got the crowd excited when things weren't looking so hot. Even if you had NO idea what was going on in the game, you got excited when you saw #24 on the ice. To this day, it still makes me cry when I think about it.


Just a few weeks ago, Rick Rypein, another prominent NHL player was found dead in his home from an apparent suicide.


On the 31st, Nashville Predators team member, Wade Belak, died. He was also found dead in his home. No cause of death has been released that I know of.


And just today, another tragedy hit the hockey world. A plane crashed in Russia, killing the 40+ people aboard. Those on board were players for Yaroslavl Lokomotiv, a KHL team. They were traveling to their first game. There were several former NHL and AHL players aboard the plane, including former Wild player Pavol Demitra.


Hockey season needs to start now. The hockey world has been riddled with bad news this summer. It's time something good happened. There's nothing like that first hockey game of the season, for a player or a fan. For a player, it's stepping on the ice and hearing the roar of the crowd. For fans, it is seeing their favorite game and players back in action. It's the back and forth, fast paced action that has us all enthralled for 60+ minutes, breathing only for a short time in between periods (just enough time to refill the beer).


We shouldn't forget about the events from the last 4 months. I am sure there will be moments of silence at the first games of the year and memorials set up at various venues, as there should be. Hockey fans need a reason to be excited about their sport again. The start of the season is just the thing that will do that.

Changes are brewing!

This morning at our morning rally, Elizabeth came up to me and said we should sit down and talk later. "Uh oh" was my first thought. Why "uh-oh"? My mind automatically goes to I did something wrong or I said something I wasn't supposed to. Turns out, it wasn't anything bad at all. Phew. 

I found out that as a specialist, I am not eligible for taking an SSA position. Well, shit was my initial thought. Elizabeth coupled that with telling me that she had some opportunities in other areas. My choices are FT in intimate apparel, FT in juniors, and a possible FT in another area (I can't say what area that is because she isn't 100% sure that that spot is going to become available). She asked me if any of the areas interested me. Based solely on the team, I said intimate apparel. Sure it would take some time to get used to fitting women for bras and I will probably see more than I want to, but if they don't care, I don't care. I know most of the ladies up there and they are fantastic. I don't think I could handle juniors. The people up there are just, blah. Not my kind of people, I guess. I dunno if I could handle the other area that she mentioned either. Again, because of the people. Elizabeth talked to our store manager and they agreed that intimate apparel would be a good fit for me.

I would HATE to leave kids, but in all reality, it would be the best option for me if I want to do SSA. Being an SSA would open the doors to so many other opportunities, so career wise, it would make the most sense. 

I have no idea what will happen, but I will probably know more in the next week or so. 

I love nights like these

Today I worked 5.5 hours. That's an incredibly short day for me. I welcomed it with open arms, especially since I have tomorrow off. I needed a break. It's so crazy at work right now that I barely have time to think. I barely moved from the wrap stand the entire shift. It's fantastic for business, not so great for other things that I have to get done.

I haven't had time to do a task sheet for the last week. Between being acting manager for Elizabeth while she was gone and still needing to be on the selling floor, life was pretty hectic. Not to mention it's one of the busiest times of year for us. I loved it though. It was so much fun, albeit, a little weird at times. My peers gave me crap for it, but it was all in good humor. I think. Elizabeth is back, so I will probably have more time. Maybe.

I talked to Elizabeth yesterday about how the week went. Overall, it went well. I needed to time manage better, but that was pretty much all we came up with. She also talked to be about holiday SSA. There is only one full time position and Elizabeth said she is fighting for me to get it. Whether or not I will, only time will tell, but I really hope I do. I don't know who else is in the running for full time, but it's good to know I have a good person fighting for me. I was SSA during our One Day Sale last weekend and apparently the other managers had nothing but good things to say. Phew. I was worried. I don't know why, but I was. Typical of me, I suppose.

I seriously love the team that we have at my store. There are some things that I don't agree with, but I think you'll get that with any job you have. I love that I have the support of the whole team in moving up in the company. It makes me feel good about the work I am doing.

My night is quiet. I am sitting here thinking of possibilities, while also looking at jobs in the company. In other states, even! WHAT?! It's fun to think of where I could end up. Recently I have been looking at the store in DC. Why? Because I love DC. Not now though. I have MSNBC on and Hurricane Irene does not look like fun. But, I love storms, so it could be fun.

Oh Back to school! Back to school!

If you weren't sure if back to school time was here, all you would have to do is take a look at the kid's and junior's departments at my store. Holy cow, we got shopped hard. It's awesome for business, not so awesome for clean up.

On Saturday, I stayed late at work to help organize and clean up the 16 racks of clothes that the junior's department had to put away. I also came in early Sunday to help put some of it away. 22 total hours between the two days. Hello, paycheck. Between me and one other person working early Sunday, we got 4 racks put away before store open. Awesomesauce.

Not so awesome, how the kid's department is looking today. We closed Saturday with 3 racks, highly unusual for my department. It really did not help that one of the associates went home early because he got sick, so we were short staffed. Saturday was the official kick off for back to school and having only one person in what is easily one of the busiest areas of the store is not a good thing.  There were constantly people in the store on Sunday. It wasn't overwhelmingly busy, but it is hard to get stuff put away when you are trying to help a customer and you can't leave the register for more than 3 minutes. When we did get stuff put away, we just filled it back up. Last night, we closed with 5 racks. I nearly died. I am thankful to have the next 2 days off, though I may go in Tuesday to help. I have to be there for a meeting anyway, so I may just stay if we have hours to give away.

This weekend, despite the mess, was fun. On Saturday I was SSA, so I got to help manage recovery and assign people tasks. I got a radio and everything. It was pretty kick ass, not gonna lie. It was only a glimpse of the craziness that ensues with being a manager and I loved it. I was talking to one of the HR people after I was done and I was telling her that I had fun and really liked it.

Who knows what is in store for me in the next couple weeks, months, years, but I am excited to see where it will all go.

My life as a manager (sort of)

So Elizabeth has been on vacation this week and she will be until sometime next week. Her vacation will consist of finalizing wedding plans. I can't imagine trying to plan a wedding long distance (she isn't from here and they are getting married in her hometown. In Louisiana). Anyway, in her absence, I have been in charge of the kid's department and the dresses/petites department. It's been fun so far. I haven't had to do a ton. I'm not in charge of looking at numbers and sales and that sort of thing, but I have gotten to do some managerial things. Last week and this week, I got to go over the associates' scorecards with them. It was kind of awkward, especially in the dresses/petites area. They have given me crap, but I think it's all in good fun. I've been in a funky mood this week, so I'm probably just reading the situation wrong.

On Saturday, I get to be SSA. I am so pumped. I get to help with organizing recovery and making sure things run smoothly. I'm fairly certain I get a radio too, which I am most excited about. Is that weird? Haha! But seriously, it will be a good introduction into the holiday season and it says a lot that they want me to do it, so I am excited about things to come.

I've also applied to a couple different apartment complexes. I haven't heard anything yet, but I am trying to keep my head up.

My babies are back!

Felicia and Rich made the move back to MN and I am SO excited!

I was greeted by hugs and baby giggles when I got home from work today. It was followed quickly by Fancy leading me to the toys she was playing with. It was a lot of fun and I missed those kids. It's very likely that I will be babysitting in the very near future :)

Your name is being thrown in the mix...

Those were the words I heard today from our HR manager, Michelle.

I was invited by my manager to attend a career opportunities discussion at the downtown store. The discussion was earlier today and it was very informative. People from various aspects of the company came to talk about their career paths, how they ended up at Macy's, and what their jobs entail. Each person talked for about 15 minutes and then we had about a half hour to go to the people and ask specific questions an get more information. That part was hilarious because it was like speed dating.

Two people from my store were there presenting and there were 5 of us form my store that were invited. I knew 2 of them pretty well and it was so nice to see them there. Total there were probably about 15-20 people from a few different stores. We all introduced ourselves and it was fun to hear how we all go to where we are today and where we want to go. Macy's is such a great company for moving up and they work really well with the employees that want to move up; they work really hard to help get them to where they want to be.

During our little break out sessions, I went to get information about the sales manager and sales supervisor roles, as well as merchandising team manager. I was talking to Michelle and she brought up seasonal SSA. Michelle and our store manager have been talking about it and things are going to start to get rolling pretty quickly. She told me that my name is definitely being thrown around and basically there would be round robin interviews with the store manager and some of the "veteran" managers, as she put it. I was SO excited by that. I also talked to Melanie, our merchandising leader. I love being on the selling floor, but I love the merchandising part of it too. I love that when new product comes in or when we have markdowns or the floor needs to be rearranged for another reason that it's basically a giant puzzle. You have to be creative, but also make sure that the floor stills looks good. She said she loves when I work because I actually take the time to care about how the store looks. It drives me nuts when the floor looks like a tornado plowed through it.

I've said it a million times before, but I never ever thought I would love retail this much. Yes, it has taken over my life, but it's awesome. I love going into work, I love that I have a team that cares about me and is helping me further my career. My store and department managers both show interest in what is going on in my life. I've been stressed about finding a place to live and a lot of other stuff. The other day at work, I was just in the worst mood. I ended up breaking down in front of them. It was embarrassing, but they were completely okay with it. They took me into the stock room and let me cry and asked if there was anything they could do to help. I so appreciated it. I am getting them candy tomorrow as a thank you.

All in all, I love working for the company. I hated it at first, but it's grown on me and I love the opportunities that I have for the future. It's scary and awesome all at the same time. I also may or may not be looking at jobs within the company in other states. I probably won't move, at least not now, but you never know.

Work updates!

I actually have some updates! WOO HOO!

So the first update I can't say too much about. Mainly because the details need to be worked out. BUT, there is a position that they are creating that Elizabeth is strongly suggesting that I apply for, which makes me think I have a good shot at it. I've been going back and forth in my mind about it. I definitely will apply and, to be honest, I think I have a good shot at it, but I am not sure who else would apply and, I dunno, I guess it's me not wanting to get my hopes too high. It would be an awesome opportunity though!

The other thing Elizabeth and I talked about was her upcoming vacation time. Basically, I am in charge of the kid's department, and I get to check in on dresses and petites. I'm kind of excited. I get to go over the scorecard with the team while Elizabeth is gone, which is kind of fun (except when my numbers suck. ha!). I am so glad she is putting that confidence in me. It feels really great.

We also talked about the next 3 weekends. We are planning to have a fashion show on Saturday, which is a week away. Not a lot of time to get everything together. It would be along with the junior and young men's department. We are thinking we may be able to pull something out of our butts. It could be a lot of winging it. The biggest issue is going to be finding models. I am sure things will come together though.

There were a lot of other things we talked about, but I am way too tired to try to remember it all.

Sharing Blogs

Here is a link to the latest blog post by a friend of mine named Josh. I met Josh over a year ago when we were both interviewing for a Residence Hall director position at Ole Miss. He, along with another girl, were great company for the couple days we were there. He's a great guy who truly cares about people and this latest post proves it. If you've ever struggled with your body image or know someone who has, you need to read this. Even if you don't (which I can't imagine), you need to read it. It's great. Thanks, Josh

Josh the Pirate

Late Night Blogging

Why am I up at 3 AM you ask? Well, I was doing inventory at work and just got home. It's a long process, but when everyone is doing work, it can go by kind of quickly. Tonight was my second night doing it.

I worked in housewares tonight. My job tonight was auditor. We audited 8% of our merchandise, so after something had been scanned and uploaded, I needed to scan it again to make sure that the quantity was right and that all the UPCs matched up. It was fine until I got to cosmetics. Have you ever had to scan 90 eyeshadows? Then I had to try to make them look semi decent back in their cases. I didn't enjoy myself as much tonight as I did last night. We got out early though, so I can't complain.

Last night I worked up in intimate apparel. I scanned so many bras and panties, I had nightmares about it. My job last night was re-counter. We re-counted 20% of our inventory. Every 5th rack, arm, stand, shelf, etc. I had to physically re-count the items. Some were easy because there were only a few items. Others had 40. One box that I had to re-count had 97 panties. Oye. It was not fun. Well, that part wasn't. I did enjoy being there though. We all worked really hard, but we still had a fun time.

While I was talking to Elizabeth waiting to be able to re-count, she said she had something for me. She ran down to the office. It was an invitation to a career fair at the St. Paul store. Since I missed the one at our store, I am definitely planning on going to this one. It makes me feel really, really good that I am getting these opportunities.

Work ventures

So I haven't updated about the work situation in awhile. That's because there really isn't anything to update. Basically I am playing the waiting game. I am waiting until the holiday season starts and I can apply to be an SSA. Let me tell you, I need it. Bad. Money is insanely tight. And with needing to move out sooner rather than later. Yikes is all I can say.

I have a good shot at getting it. I dunno how much more money it will bring me, but hopefully I can count on it. Like I said, that will lead the way to bigger opportunities. Did I hear someone say, "manager"?! That would be so awesome. One of my co-workers said she would hate it. She couldn't handle dealing with the crabby customers. I love it though. I have had to save a couple associates when a customer has gotten mad at them. It's weird. I like being the one to calm them down and figure out a solution to the problem. It's fun! Haha! We have started having SSAs for big sale days and I was asked a couple weeks ago if I wanted to do it. I would have loved to, except that I had big plans that night (NKOTBSB, baby!) so I couldn't. It's a good sign though that they want me to! :)

Work was awesome today. We started inventory today. I wasn't doing it today, but I work the overnight shift tomorrow. WOO HOO! Anyway, it's important that we get things from other departments back to their homes, so I went on a little adventure and took care of that today. There were a pair of jeans that had been in our department forever. They weren't ours, so I went to drop them off in men's. I was told they didn't belong there either. The Levi specialist had never even seen that style. So off to the loss prevention office I went. As I was heading back to my department, I noticed the associate in another department had quite the line, so I jumped in and helped. Not only that, but I got the customer to open a Macy's card! It was awesome! To make it even better, one of the managers saw the whole thing. At first I freaked out because I thought for some reason, I may get in trouble. I have no idea why I thought that, but that was me being paranoid. Nope. Just the opposite. She was impressed with me! Unfortunately, the credit for the Macy's card won't go toward my scorecard because I was nice and rang under the other associate's number since she helped the woman. BUT, I can deal with that. I'll make up for it next week.

Not Surprised

I was going to wait to write this blog post until things had calmed down and I had time to gather my thoughts. However, I am in a blogging mood and I need somewhere I can channel my energy and comments. It's so hard for me not to comment on people's Facebook statuses or Twitter comments. I am afraid I may say something completely asshole-ish and sever ties completely or something like that. Plus, most of the things would just be repetitive and I don't want to sound like a broken record. So here it goes.

I, like a lot of the country, was glued to my T.V. once I found out that a verdict had been reached in the Casey Anthony trial. I didn't really watch the trial. I read some stuff about it, but I didn't follow it all that closely. I hate that the media makes such a circus out of things like this. I guarantee that if the child was Black or Hispanic, there would not be such a frenzy around the trial. But, that's not what I came on here to talk about.

I am not surprised at all that Casey Anthony was found not guilty on the murder and manslaughter charges. Not even a little. The burden of proof lies on the prosecution. It's their job to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Casey Anthony murdered Caylee. That just didn't happen. Too much of the evidence the prosecution provided was circumstantial. She may have planned to kill Caylee; Caylee may have drowned in the pool and then Casey may have made it look like murder. Caylee's body, when found was too decomposed and mangled to conclude a cause of death. That's a HUGE key piece of evidence missing. Yes, the defense's case had some missing parts as well, but the burden of proof does not lie with them. Their job is to show reasonable doubt in the prosecution's case. Which is exactly what they did.

The jurors did their job. They looked at the evidence and saw the holes in the prosecution's case. They saw all the what-ifs. All the probabilities. Whatever feelings they have toward Casey, they checked at the door. Yes, she partied, got a tattoo, and failed to report her daughter missing for a whole month. It may be because she was celebrating her new freedom (what a horrible thing to think. I can't imagine anyone being able to do that, but you never know) or that could have been her very strange way of grieving.

I'm not saying I believe she is innocent. I am just saying, that, legally speaking, I believe the verdict is right. Morally, I am not sure. I would be surprised if she wasn't involved somehow. If she is, that's something she has to live with for the rest of her life.

The Dog Days are Over...

Wrong, Florence and the Machine. The Dog Days of Summer are just beginning. When I was a kid, I LOVED summer. No school, I got to sleep in and hang with friends all day. It was awesome. Now, I hate it. I hate hot weather. It probably has to do with the fact that my step-dad and mom don't have AC, which is a HUGE pisser. I wouldn't be so bitter toward it otherwise. It pisses me off, seriously. Like, that's the WORST part of living at home. I can handle my mom's mindless mumblings about some shit I don't care about. I can handle my sister being a self-centered brat. I canNOT handle living in a house that is hotter than it is outside. I've tried putting the AC in myself, but it was too heavy. Plus, I knew that my efforts would be a waste because as soon as he could, my step-dad would take it out. I can't even type about it anymore because it makes me so effing mad.

Let's talk about something happier. I talked to Elizabeth earlier in the week about what she wants me to do with the department and how she would like me to run it. I came up with a loyalty incentive (which I don't think is going as well as it could, sadly). Elizabeth agreed to give a $5 gift card to either Macy's, Caribou, or Target to anyone that met their loyalty goal for the week. As far as I know, I am the only one that did it. One other associate may have, I have to double check with her. I also get to "zone" in the department. Basically, assign tasks to associates during their shifts. It's really fun. Kind of a lot of work because I have to make sure there isn't double coverage in an area and I have to make sure that someone is near the wrap stand for customers. But, it's fun. I am really enjoying it. I like having more responsibility and I like feeling like a business partner with Elizabeth. I feel more like her equal than anything else. I feel like that assistant manager position is pretty much locked down this holiday season, barring any major setbacks. That will open the doors for so many other things that I am really excited about. :)

I'm just so giddy!

The work news just keeps getting better and better :)

The other day, Elizabeth approached me saying that she wanted me to have a little bit bigger role in the kid's department. 3 of the 4 areas that Elizabeth manages are high volume areas. Kids is the lower volume area so she doesn't get down there often to check in and see how things are going. She wants me to be a bigger voice in the area. I'm going to get to "zone" the area (basically assigning tasks and areas for each person during their shift), I get to help come up with incentives, and I get to help come up with ideas to drive sales. I'm so excited. This is a big part of what a manager does so I feel like Elizabeth is doing this not only to help her out, but to help me out. I get a little taste into what goes into her day. She said that being in the kid's department and getting to do all this stuff is the perfect way to learn the ropes. I could not be more pumped.

My first task was to come up with a way to increase loyalty. I came up with an idea and I am completely in charge of it. It's nothing huge. a $5 gift card to Caribou, Macy's or Target for hitting your loyalty goal for the week. Elizabeth is totally supportive of it and seems really excited that I am taking initiative in the area.

Seriously, I feel so good about things right now.

I love my job.

Never in a million and one years did I ever think I would love working in retail. When I started my job, I loathed it. It wasn't fun, I had NO idea what I was doing, and I just didn't feel like I was doing a good job. Now, over a year later, my attitude has changed completely.

I love going into work not knowing what's going to happen that day. I love how every situation, no matter how routine, is different. I love that I have my own area. An area that is mine and I have a say in how it looks and how things are done.

I don't think I've written about my work adventures as of late. About 2 months ago I was promoted from part-time to the full time specialist in the kid's department. That means that the kid's department is my department. I am the liaison between the customer and our district team. I have some managerial power (which is awesome and so helpful is a lot of cases). The only thing that makes me sad is that I don't get the red name badge. Sad day.

Like I said, never did I ever think I would like working retail so much. My manager and I were talking and she had asked me if I was interested in moving up in the company. I talked to my HR manager about it and she had nothing but good things to say. She said the managers all think very highly of me, which I was incredibly embarrassed about. I think it's because I know they are talking about me. Yikes! At least it's good stuff.

The other day, I got a recognition award, which was a surprise. I was bummed I wasn't actually there to receive it (mostly because I wanted to know what Elizabeth said, but also because that means I missed donuts. Ha!). When I saw Elizabeth a couple days later, she has asked me if was interested in being an SSA (basically an assistant manager during the holiday season). I had already talked to our HR manager about it and I have been thinking about it. Elizabeth just wanted to make sure that it was okay that she submitted my name. It's crazy to think that we are already thinking about the holiday season. I am pumped. I think I have a good shot at getting the job and that would open so many more doors for me. Elizabeth started as a specialist at another store, became an SSA, then a sales leader, and then a manager.

It made me so incredibly excited for what's to come. This all won't happen for awhile. Hopefully things will get rolling this holiday season and we will take it from there.

My family is nuts and I love it!

I started out my day today by going out to lunch with Granny and my great-aunt, Jo Ann. I haven't seen either of them for awhile, so it was nice to catch up with them and see what they've been up to. My main reason for going to lunch with them was because Granny needed me to teach her and Jo Ann how to use the internet.

They've had their laptop for awhile. It's been sitting their pretty much useless for about 2 months. My dad went over there last month to show them how to use it, but he pretty much did everything and there were other people over, so their minds were elsewhere. I was excited. I knew this was going to be a trip. Not because they don't know what the heck they're doing, but because I knew once they figured it out, they would be so excited, especially Granny.

We signed on to the computer. Task number 1 down. Granny opened the internet by herself. We can check number 2 of the list. No came the hard part. When she logged into her e-mail, she had one from my aunt waiting for her. She read it and it was fine. I showed her how to add addresses into her address book and how to reply and send an e-mail. She did a lot better than I thought she was going to. I also showed her how to use Google and how to go to different websites. It was really cute how excited they got. I also showed them how to play a CD in their computer.

They also got a free MP3 player. They have NO idea what it is supposed to do. They asked if I wanted it and I said I had one already, but thanks. I think next time I will show them how to put their CDs on their computer and then onto the MP3 player. Maybe I will ever get ambitious and tell them they can play it in the car.

I told them every week I can go over there and show them something different. One step at a time. I think next lesson may be Facebook. Granny wants to get onto Facebook, so I can help her with that. That's going to be interesting. I can't wait to see what she has to say about that. It will be good for her though. As long as her sister-in-law doesn't friend her. haha!!

EEK!!!!

So my grandpa informed my mom who later informed me of an apartment vacancy in the building behind his house. It's less than $600/month for a one bedroom with several utilities included. Which, with a little help to get started, I can totally do. I am almost peeing with excitement. I want to do this so bad. I haven't even seen the apartment, but I feel like, if for some reason it doesn't work out, it's still closer than I have been of moving out. Permanently. I will admit though, it will feel weird being located in one spot for more than a school year.

Words seriously cannot express how excited I am. I am already planning on what I want. How I want to decorate. An indoor herb garden is a must. I won't have cats so I won't have to worry about them getting eaten. My furniture is going to be crappy, but at least it will be something. I honestly will probably only worry about internet. I can survive without cable. I end up watching most shows online anyway. I don't need a landline because of a little thing called a cell phone. I will have AIR CONDITIONING!

I am looking forward to buying my own groceries, cooking for myself, eating the things I want to eat. My kitchen is the thing I am most excited about. Seriously excited. I can't wait to learn how to cook better. I can do laundry at my grandpa's since it's literally right across the alley.

I am going to feng shui the shit out of that place.

Details will follow as soon as I talk to the landlord, which hopefully will be tomorrow.

Drowning my sorrows

I just ate an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting. What the hell? I blame it on the fact that I have no self control when it comes to sweets. I've tried. Really hard. But to no avail. I have the world's biggest sweet tooth and it's my biggest downfall. Okay, maybe not really, but it's pretty close to the top.

Why did I eat an entire pint of ice cream? Well, it's not because I am drowning my sorrows like the title of this post suggests (that's just what I was thinking when I started typing this). Actually, despite battling a horrible cold and sore throat, I am in a chipper mood. Well, add in the whole disgustingly hot weather with no AC and that brings down the mood quite a bit.

I seriously hate not having air conditioning. Especially on days like today. It's 10:15 PM and it's 85 degrees out. Eff you, mother nature. If I didn't have to work in the morning, I most likely would be at my grandparent's house. I am moving out sooner rather than later. Turns out that two years my mom was talking about turned into 6 months. Looks like I should be outta here in no time. I WILL have AC in my apartment. Make no mistake about that.

I know it's early, but I gotta get up in the morning. I was going to make my lunch for tomorrow tonight, but I am far too tired to do that. Instead, I am just going to take a Nyquil and head to bed. I think that's best.

Good night, world.

Worst Music Videos of All Time

I wrote this same post a couple days ago, but I could not for the life of me get it to format the right way. Then, I ended up getting logged out of Blogger somehow and for whatever reason, my password wasn't working. I told myself maybe it was time to hang up the blogging shoes for good. I tried one last time to log in and it worked! So I am back to blogging. Not that I did it all that often to begin with, but whatever. I'm back is the point of this.

Since I could not get it to format correctly last time, I am not going to waste  my time; I am just going to post links. Deal with it. 

Now, without further ado, I present to you, in no particular order (even though they are numbered), my votes for the worst music videos/songs of all time. Enjoy.

1) Rebecca Black "Friday". Let's just get the obvious one out of the way. The poor girl. I really do feel bad for her. The entire world is making fun of her and her voice. It's not her fault that they autotuned the shit out of her voice. This is proof that music should not be tampered with. The video is horrible though. Just awful. 

2) Billy Squier "Rock Me Tonight". There is nothing sexy about Billy Squier rolling around the floor and randomly dancing around his room. People actually thought this was attractive. He looks like he is having muscle spasms. I would have called 911. 

3) "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. Forget the fact that I can't stand Miley. I actually can (barely) tolerate this song. The movie clips are fine. It's the horrible graphics that I can't stand. Also, the fact that when she is dancing in front of that worm hole (I don't think that's what it actually is, but oh well), it looks like she is trying to be sexy. Pretty sure she was like 15 when this came out. Also, this song isn't about love or boys or sex, so there's that.

4) David Hasselhoff "Hooked on a Feeling". Part of me thinks that this video was meant to be completely ridiculous. A bigger part of me thinks that someone actually thought this was a good idea. It is a smorgasbord of random shit that has nothing to do with the song or any of the other random shit in the video (was he telling child angels that they turn him on at one point? I think so). Add in horrible graphics and David Hasselhoff and it just makes it that much worse.

5) James Blunt "Beautiful". There is something creepy about watching James Blunt sing directly at the camera and take his clothes off and then proceed to jump off a cliff, presumedly killing himself, because of a girl that he saw on a subway and he can't have her. It's just such an odd concept to me. 

6) "I Love You" by Vanilla Ice. This one is so bad that it's hilarious. I can't decide which is funnier, the song or the video. I think my favorite part is the sign that says "ice" and it's obviously from one of those ice machines you see at gas stations. Random much? 

7) "Informer" Snow. If you thought that Vanilla Ice was the worst white rapper ever. You were sadly mistaken. This actually happened.

8) Men Without Hats "Safety Dance". If you ever needed to know what LCD does to the brain, just watch this video.

9) Right Said Fred "I'm Too Sexy". Hilarious song, bad video. Mesh shirts should never be worn. Ever.

10) Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce "Telephone". I just don't get it at all. Why is Lady Gaga half naked in her videos? Also, what's up with the long videos? Stop trying to be "Thriller"; it's just not going to happen

Baby smiles make even the worst day so much better

My step-dad's niece, Felicia, her husband, Rich, and their kids Ty, Fancy (Janessa), and Mika (Maleah) are in town visiting this week. I love it! The last time I saw them was when they were in town for Felicia's dad's funeral in August. I didn't get to see them very much, so I was sad. Also, Maleah wasn't born yet, so up until the other day, I haven't met her. They came over the other night, but Mika was asleep the whole time. Fancy was pretty tired, so she wasn't herself. Well, she was, just crabbier.

Today, I woke up in the worst mood. I have NO idea why. I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I guess. Work was okay, aside from the fact that the person that is supposed to close tomorrow can't, so guess who switched shifts and is now closing. At 11:15 PM. Yep. Me. Ugh. And I am working 9 hours. Ish. I called home on my way home from work to see if I needed to pick up any Diet Coke. My step-dad said Felicia and the kids were over for tacos. My mood was instantly better. I could actually play with the baby and see her awake and happy. She was a little crabby when I got home, but I think that's because she was hungry. Once she got some food, she was fine. Fancy was a handful, but she is adorable and hilarious. She babbles a lot, but you can't understand a word she says, but that's okay. When she saw me, she got really excited and gave me a hug. I LOVED it.

At the end of the night, Felicia said they were thinking about moving back here if Rich can get a job. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE if they moved back here. I said I would be their baby-sitter. I normally work mornings, so I would not mind at all if I had to go over to their house after work. They are so much fun!

 Maleah waiting for dinner

Fancy playing with magnets. She was very excited when they stuck to the fridge

Sorry that the quality of the pictures is so shitty

Some Things are Never Happy

This post is about periods. Just a warning. 

There are 12 weeks a year when I wish I had a penis. They are the worst weeks and they always come at the worst time. Of course you know by now that I am talking about the week of my period.

It really does not help that the advertising world tries to make periods out to be this wonderful thing. "Have a happy period. Always". Um, no such thing. Ever. Sorry. There is nothing happy about bleeding from your lady parts once a month. I challenge you to find a woman who gets excited when they get their period. Okay, save for the people who could be pregnant and don't want to be. Periods to them are like Christmas morning. I would rather eat an entire raw onion than have a period ever again.

I just saw a commercial for Midol. It ended with saying something about Midolizing your period. What the eff does that even mean?? Midolize it? No. I just want to curl up in a ball and lay in bed for three days and eat chocolate and watch The Notebook. It's supposed to be this empowering statement about tackling the problems of your period. No. That's not the way I do things.

I am convinced that the marketing teams for these things are consisted entirely of men. If there was a single woman on those teams, she would stand up and say what I am saying. Instead of Pamperin, we would see commercials for chocolate cake and sweatpants.

Periods are Mother Nature's way of being a bitch. Seriously. What's the worst thing that happens to guys? They get a woody in the middle of Wal-Mart? Big whoop. I think it's hilarious. There's nothing hilarious about a giant blood stain on your ass. That's just nasty. 

My fashion sense also tends to take a huge hit during this week due to bloating. I hate bloating. Today, for example, I purchased a new shirt. It looks adorable with my leggings and I was planning on wearing that outfit to a Lia Sophia party tomorrow. Can I? No. Why? Because I look like Slimer from Ghost Busters. You know, a giant blob.

Ugh. I hate periods.

Playoff Hockey

I love it. It is probably my favorite thing in the entire world. Okay, that's a lie, but it's pretty damn close.

Even though the Wild were far from winning a playoff berth this year, I am still watching. The same thing happened last season.

The Blackhawks vs. the Canucks is on right now. Up until about 5 minutes ago, Vancouver was winning 1-0 with 3 minutes left in the game. They were on a power play and what do the Hawks do? They score a short handed goal. Awesome. The game is tied and once again, they are going to sudden death overtime.

I am not really a fan of either team. I think if I had to pick, based on the fact that I am a Wild fan, I have to say the Hawks. The Canucks are hated by all in Minnesota. Plus, they are the underdogs and I tend to root for them.

The Hawks goalie is totally keeping them in this game. He is a beast and is way better than Luongo.

I was planning on going to bed because I have to work in the morning. That will not happen until this game is over. Since it's going into overtime, it could be awhile. It's the same as a normal hockey period. 20 minutes until someone scores.

The Universal Language

I believe that music is the universal language. It can bring people together in ways other things can't. I love music and anyone that knows me knows that I am constantly listening to music whenever I can. On my way to and from work, my earbuds are in and I am in a world entirely my own. I generally don't like the music they play at work. Partly because I've heard every song about a zillion times and partly because it's just bad music. There are a few songs that I enjoy, however, and when those songs come on, I tend to tune out other things (customers included. Yipes!) Luckily those songs are few and far between so I can do a good job 99.8% of the time.

Over the last couple years, I have become pretty picky about my music. I used to be a HUGE country music fan, but I can't say it's my favorite genre out there. I do enjoy some songs, and let's be real, I will always be a Keith Urban fan, but it isn't my first choice. 

Here is what has been on my playlist the last few weeks

I've been listening to a lot of indie and alternative music. My current favorite is Minus the Bear. They've been on repeat for a few days. They are just an awesome band in general. Anyone that has songs called "Houston We Have an Uh-Oh" and ""I Lost All My Money at the Cock Fight" has to be kick ass. 

Another band that I LOVE is Arcade Fire. I am so glad they won the Grammy this year. It was so deserved. Their album, "The Suburbs", might be one of the best albums I have ever heard. Their video for the single is also kick ass. While you are checking out "The Suburbs", do yourself a favor and check out their "Neon Bible" album as well. 

I haven't forgotten the female singers. I, like the rest of the world, am in love with Adele. I prefer her "19" album to her "21" album. But I do love both. If you have been living under a rock and you haven't heard her yet, I'll save you the trouble.

I've also been listening to a lot of local music, which is fun. If you love the Beatles and Minnesota musicians, for the love of god, check out this.

Last, but not least, I've been channeling the Rat Pack. I can't help but love the complex arrangements of the songs and the fun these guys undoubtedly had. They were definitely toasted most of the time, but they still put on one helluva show. Some of the stuff they said would not fly at all today and the FCC would definitely get involved, but they were funny. The music is so simple and pure, you can't help but love it. 

Also, I love pretty much all of the covers on AV Undercover. I wish I had MP3s of them.

I have been given a gift

I am special. Not that kind of special. I am gifted. Everyone has those useless talents that get them nowhere in life, but make for a great conversation piece. After 24 years on this planet, I have finally found it.

I am amazing at looking at a picture of a person or animal and figuring out who or what they look like. Usually it's an obscure celebrity. Sometimes it is a cartoon character. But always it is dead on.

Kelly is the first person (and to my knowledge, the only person) to point out this talent. We were at her house doing some creeping on Facebook. We stumbled upon pictures of someone's baby and tried to figure out who it looked like. It was not a cute baby. 99.9% of the time, I find babies adorable. This baby was not cute in the slightest. Poor little guy. He looks like a cracked out version of Leslie Jordan. 

This talent probably started when I was in high school I remember Emily telling me that she associates people with animals whenever she meets them. I have no idea why, but I would catch myself doing the same thing, except I didn't just limit it to animals. I guess it could also stem from the human tendency to associate people with something with which we are familiar. I guess I am pretty caught up in pop culture, as much as I hate to admit it. 

Anyway, that's all I've got for now. There really was no point to this post other than I am bored. 

Patience is also a form of action. ~Auguste Rodin

Keeping my head up finally paid off :) I am more excited about what's happening in my life right now than I ever have been. I've always believed that good thing come to those who wait. I've waited long enough and good things are finally happening.

A couple weeks ago, our full time specialist quit. I immediately called my manager to ask to talk to her about the possibility of taking over the full time position. We set up a time to meet the next day. I was nervous and excited all at the same time. She seemed pretty pumped that I asked, so I didn't really think I had anything to worry about, but the last thing that I wanted was to get my hopes up and then have her say no. We talked and she offered me the job. She said she pretty much wanted to offer it to me over the phone, but it was more professional in person.

This honestly could not have come at a better time. Money has been short lately. I hadn't been getting a lot of hours at work, so I was looking for other jobs. I had applied to a couple other positions within our store, but I didn't hear anything. I was getting very frustrated. On top of that, I really want to move out, but I was not making the money to do so. Granted my raise wasn't a whole lot, but I am getting more hours. Plus, I had my one year review and I got a 30 cent raise from that. That's a total of an 80 cent raise within the last month or so. I won't complain.

Another great thing that happened is that a friend from Milwaukee might move back to the Twin Cities after this summer. Um, excited? Yes. I was talking to her on Tuesday and she had said that her mom had mentioned moving in with her sister. Her sister who lives in an efficiency apartment. They would have a trundle bed. There is no way, according to her, that that would happen. She asked if I would want to live with her. YES! Is that even a question? We would have a TON of fun! Plus, we are pretty much the same person, so we would make great roommates. AND, financially it would make more sense to live with a roommate than to even get a studio apartment by myself.

Nothing is for sure decided on the apartment thing, but I am really, really hoping that it happens.

Embarrassed to be American

I came across this today on a friend's Facebook page. I was completely disgusted and some of the comments made me want to cry.

My mind is not forming coherent thoughts right now, so this won't be a lengthy blog post. Maybe I will come back and edit it, but probably not. A lot of the comments are about god punishing Japan for Pearl Harbor. Pretty sure we did a good job of that when we fought back. The disaster in Japan had nothing to do with god being pissed off at Japan; it was a naturally occurring event.

The bottom line: America, we need to get over ourselves. We are like the annoying popular girls in high school and I am sick of it.

Expanding My Culinary Horizons

I come from the land of hotdishes and jello "salad". Most people's culinary palates aren't what you would consider refined. We put ketchup on everything (I know two people who have eaten and enjoyed ketchup sandwiches; my grandpa always eats mashed potatoes with ketchup on it if gravy isn't available), seasoning for most people is limited to salt and pepper, and everything is too spicy.

Okay, so I am generalizing. I can only speak for myself. I grew up on a very bland diet. My grandma's idea of meatloaf is eggs, bread crumbs, and hamburger. No onions, no seasoning, just the basic ingredients. My mom mixes anything she can with cream of mushroom soup. A staple in our home is ground hamburger, cream of mushroom soup, and instant potatoes. Oh god, don't get me started on instant potatoes. It's like baby cereal. Every once in awhile, my mom and step-dad get crazy and buy garlic instant potatoes. Variety is not the spice of life in my household and some sort of red meat is consumed at least 3 nights a week (overcooked chicken or boring pork chops, leftovers,  pizza delivery, and Green Mill take up the rest of the nights). My point is, I have been trying to spice up my diet for quite a few years now. I have forced myself to eat different foods that I have never liked or have never tried. I have learned what goes well with what and I like to try different combinations. Some are really weird (like the time I added cinnamon to Sloppy Joe's. Why? Because I wanted to see what it would be like. Word to the wise, not good, but at least I tried).

When I went away to college, that helped some. Though I was mostly eating cafeteria food, I was still able to experiment on my own when I was on duty over break and when I worked at school over the summer. I slowly introduced myself to good food. I also went to my cousin's a lot and he is an AMAZING cook. He actually likes flavor.

Now that I am back at home, cooking is harder. Not only do I not have a lot of money to spend on good food, but our stove and oven are pieces of shit and don't properly work. It makes me sad, but I still do get to cook every once in awhile. Going to Kelly's helps a lot because they actually cook good food and eat vegetables and spices. I love it.

Tonight my step-dad got this new Philadelphia Cream Cheese stuff. It was Italian Herbs and Spices or something like that. He decided to make chicken and noodles and mix everything together. It was actually decent, aside from the consistency. I have a weird thing about consistency, so I didn't finish it. The reason he chose to do that was because there was a recipe on the container for it. The recipe called for other things like green onions and zucchini (two things that I happen to be fond of), but my mom "doesn't like them" so we had to leave them out. Now, I highly doubt my mom even knows what zucchini tastes like. But oh well, there's nothing I can do about it now.

My step-dad and I also got into a heated debate about canned vs. frozen vegetables. Now, if possible, I love fresh vegetables, but sometimes they are out of season so I go with frozen. My step-dad HATES frozen vegetables apparently. He prefers canned. If someone told that if I had to eat canned vegetables or die, I would probably die. I loathe canned vegetables; they make me want to vomit. They have that tin can taste to them and lord knows how long they've been sitting in that sugar infused water. Bleh. It makes me want to puke just thinking about it.

Anyway, this was more of just a "I can't sleep, so I am going to blog" post. If anyone has any good ideas for recipes I should try, just let me know :)

Holy Hell, I suck at this blog thing

Really, my life isn't so overwhelmingly busy that I don't have time to blog. Most of the time I just plumb forget about it. Oh well, it's a terrible excuse, but it's the best I got.

Kelly and I started our Lia Sophia business. We are really excited about it, but right now it's really discouraging. We are having a huge problem finding people to have parties and most of the people who decide to have a party either cancel (to be fair, once it was because of a snow storm and the other time the hostess has mono (I swear that if I get mono, Chittles, you are dead)) or have all of 2 people show up. It's frustrating, but we can't blame everything on the hostesses. We didn't get the guest lists like we should have and we definitely need to work on our hostess coaching skills. We also need to find a hostess that we snowball off of. She has a party, her friends book parties, their friends book parties, etc. We are hoping that her mother-in-law to be will help with that. If not, we are planning on going up and down Summit Ave and putting our business cards in mailboxes and stuff. If you know anyone that wants to have one, just let me know! :)

My other job is going just swell. I actually am liking it a lot more than I ever thought I would. It's mostly the people I work with (okay, like 2 of the people I work with). Aside from a couple run-ins with the spawn of satan, I have had really awesome customers. I finally feel like what I have been doing is getting recognized. We have these "Magic" cards that workers can fill out when they want to recognize great work done by associates. Twice in one week I got one. Neither of them from my manager. One was from another manager, Heather. It was for excellent customer service. Apparently a customer called in and said that I was really great with her. I was SUPER excited about that. I have a feeling I know which customer it was and I loved helping her! She was so sweet. The other was from the STORE manager, Jen. The freaking STORE manager. It was for reaching my loyalty goal for February. I was giddy when I found out that I reached it because that is one of the things that I am working hardest at. I also found out that Nancy recommended me for an award (what?!?!). It just finally feels good to know that I am actually doing a good job and people are noticing.

Nancy also said I should talk to our manager about being a manager myself. Yikes! That's a scary thought, but definitely something I wouldn't mind doing.

Stuck

That is how I have been feeling lately; like I am in quicksand and there's no way out. When I look back on my life, did I imagine this is where I would be at 24? Absolutely not. Still at home with a job that's less than ideal (though I actually don't mind it as much as I thought I would), and having no fricken clue what I want in life. I don't know what I want to do. Every time I have even the slightest idea, something changes it. Not getting into grad school completely changed the student affairs idea; maybe I am not cut out for it. Maybe I am just supposed to stay stuck in life. Now I feel like I am wasting my time at Hamline. I don't feel passion for it anymore and it makes me extremely sad. Part of me, a very big part of me, just wants to give up on it.

In the past, I would say that it's all my fault. Even now, I take complete responsibility. I am so scared I am going to end up like my mom; living paycheck to paycheck and just being stuck. I don't know how to get out of it. I don't have that drive that I had anymore. It's completely lost. People tell me to just do it. Get out of the rut, but I just can't. I don't have it in me. I feel like I am fighting for nothing. In the end, I just always end up disappointed in myself.

I am not writing this blog to ask for advice (actually, it was more of a "I need to write before I go insane" blog post) and while I appreciate it, I don't want it. I don't want to hear that everything is going to be okay and things will work out. I know this sounds harsh, but I've been hearing that  my entire life and clearly it hasn't done anything. The people that read this on a regular basis, I consider friends, very dear friends that I love very much, and that's what I need. I need a friend. I need someone to say that they don't know what's going to happen, but whatever happens or wherever I end up in life, they will love and support me.

Almost a whole month?!

Has it seriously been almost an entire month since I've written anything?? Holy crap. I am blaming school, work, and the fact that I am now hooked on Grey's Anatomy and I have been watching pretty much nonstop. Thanks, Emily :) If you don't watch the show and you like drama, watch it. Even if you don't like drama, watch it. It actually tackles a lot of good issues, political and personal. I love it.

Speaking of political issues, I read something that I find slightly disturbing today. NewSouth Books, a publishing company, is essentially rewriting Huck Finn. They are replacing the N-word with "slave". Now, don't get me wrong, I hate that word. I think it's awful and anyone that uses it is completely ignorant. However, in this context, I think it's important. It really paints a picture as to what life was like during that time. Not only that, but Mark Twain didn't use that word for kicks and giggles; he had a point.

Now, I don't think 5th graders should be reading it, but I certainly don't see any problem in high schoolers reading it. I think that it can spark some really good conversation and Huck Finn, in it's original context, can be a great teaching tool for students. It tackles such an important issue, race at a time when it was at it's worst (well, overt racism was at its worst anyway). Teachers aren't just handing out books and saying, "here read this" without discussing it. The whole point of their job to to teach their students about stuff like this.

I guess my biggest issue is book banning in general. I am sick of people coddling kids and shielding them from bad things. They think they are protecting them, but they are doing so much more harm than good. By not allowing kids to see the bad in the world, they won't know how to deal with it when it does happen to them. By not introducing them to the problems of the world, they can lose critical thinking skills; they won't know how to solve problems because they've never had to do it before.

Now look, I understand that they may just want to be politically correct and sensitive, which I appreciate. But I don't think that's the way to go about it. I think that having a discussion about the word in classrooms is what is needed. Pretending that it doesn't exist does such a disservice.

I am sorry if that seems jumbled; I feel like it's jumbled. Oh well, I am going back to Grey's :)