So being home, for me, sucks. I have been essentially on my own for the last 4 years. I haven't had to share a living space with people for the last 2 years (my first year as an RA, I lived in the suite-style building and had 3 roommates. There's a funny story.) and all of a sudden I have to live with 3 people. 3 people that drive me absolutely insane.
This biggest argument we get in is over the thermostat. Well, an air conditioner. I am a person that hates the heat and humidity. When I got home from school, the first thing I noticed was that they took the air conditioner out. Ugh. Luckily there have only been a couple gross days and for 2 of them I was at a friend's house, but still. It's honestly probably not going to get in until at least July. I tried to carry it upstairs myself so I can put it in, but it's way too heavy.
The thing that drives me most insane about being at home is that communication sucks. I can't even say that because between the 4 of us, there is very little dialogue. I very much feel like the adult in the house. I understand that my sister is 19-years-old, but when it's 2 AM and she's not home, I worry. She doesn't tell anyone that she isn't going to be home and my mom doesn't even seem to worry, which sort of upsets me. My mom has always been more concerned with being our friend than being our mom. Until my step-dad moved in, that's exactly what she was. And now that she tries to be our mom, I can't take her seriously and I just kind of do what I want anyway. Okay, sorry for that rant. Back on the communication topic. There was one event that has occurred this summer that has been especially irritating to me.
Every once in awhile, my mom and step-dad get vouchers for a free night's stay at a casino. It's fine that they go, but they never tell us that they're going somewhere for the night. I don't even care where they are going, just that they say they won't be home so I don't worry all night. When they would go, I would sit and worry because I had no idea where they were. I would call my mom's cell phone at like 12:30 AM and no one would answer. Of course, I thought the worst. Every time they came home, I would ask them to just tell me if they are going away for the night so I know not to worry. Do they do that? Nope. One time I went 4 days without talking to them because I was so mad. They, of course, acted like nothing was wrong.
The other day, my mom said these exact words to me, "don't tell your sister, but Peter and I are going to stay overnight at the casino; she doesn't like when we go". I can tell you why. She doesn't like to stay home by herself, so if you just fricken told her, she could find somewhere to stay so she wouldn't be home alone. I don't understand the point in lying. Yesterday, my mom told me not to tell my step-dad that I knew where they were going. It BAFFLES me. I have NO idea why it's necessary to lie about it. You are adults, I don't care what you do. I have said it a thousand times, just tell me that you won't be home at night. I am going to tell my sister where they are. I don't really care. If they get mad, they get mad. I don't think that 1)it's necessary to lie and 2) it's okay to lie.
When someone comes home, it's never, "Hi. How are you?"; It's always, walk into the house, maybe make food and go to your room. No one talks in this house about anything. I hate living here. I feel as though I am ignored and not important. I feel like I am just living here because of convenience, which in all honesty is true. I probably will end up going to live with Kelly. I think I'll be much happier there. Her home feels like my home. I can't think of the last time we all ate together and it wasn't a holiday; in fact, I don't think we have ever sat around our table to eat as a family. Kelly's family doesn't eat at the table, but at least they are together most of the time. Right now, the place in which I reside is not my home, it's my house. It makes me sad that I don't feel loved and wanted in my own house. I hope that in the future when I get married and have kids that our house will be a home. I think I have learned enough from living here that I know I can't live like this forever.
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